Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
