Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
