You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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