How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
