im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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