i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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