Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
