either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
