My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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