u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
