I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
