I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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