just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
