I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I had to cum in my sink.
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