Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This is the high leading the old right now
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
