i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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