We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
