erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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