she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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