I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Success! We fucked roommates!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
