the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
