So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
