420 ftw
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I looked at my own cervix.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
