I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
