no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
