Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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