So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
