please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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