I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
