My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
