ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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