am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
this just has baby written all over it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
