Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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