By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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