There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
