her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
