We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
