My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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