I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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