oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
