i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
