just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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