matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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