now i know why i became what i already was.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
