So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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