I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
