my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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