just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
