my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
