White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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