You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
