you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
