you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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